He smoked a cigarrete today, He didn't intend to, but he did anyway. It reminded me of the first time I saw him, I was awestruck...that word is actually an understatement. He was everything I wanted in a man...right complexion ,right beard size and His voice ...jesus!
We were at his house , I smoked too...I am not a smoker I just did it to like show support, show I like him as much, that I could die for him...cared less about the cancer...for him.
He reciprocated alright, he tapped my back as I coughed, almost choking to death, with tears in my eyes, I said
" not so bad"
and managed a smile
I thought that was cute...you know... he was there for me...he cared ...he couldn't let me choke to death, I was a first timer... and he cared...that's all that mattered.
You can tell he was a dickhead already, so we ended up nowhere...and I did all the chasing anyway so no it wasn't worth it. I put him at the back of my mind and moved on with my life.
3 years later...I see him...looking good... same old same old, the spark was still there, my heart still skipped a beat...and I asked for his number ...I never called ...its a thing we girls do...just to keep the mystery going. And ofcourse to feed my ego.
After corona I see him again...call out his name from the back of a cab...and that night he calls me back.
"Do you wanna hang?" He asks
"Ofcourse I do" ,
I have been wanting to all my life, he couldn't see it then...he can't see it now either if you ask me.
He comes over, we have a nice neat conversation and I realised he looks older now, with clearer skin and a not so lean body. Attitude has changed for the better I guess...and I offer him soda. He doesn't touch it.
As we keep talking I face the elephant in the room